Marketing

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me! " - That's Direct Marketing"


2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: " He's very rich. "Marry him." - That's Advertising"


3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: " Hi, I'm very rich. "Marry me - That's Telemarketing"


4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say:"By the way, I'm rich. Will you "Marry Me?" - That's Public Relations"


5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says:"You are very rich! "Can you marry ! Me?" - That's Brand Recognition"


6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - " That's Customer Feedback"


7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - "That's demand and supply gap"


8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she goes with him - "That's competition eating into your market share"


9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - "That's restriction for entering new markets "

Modern Panchtantra Story

Once upon a time, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.

One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood (the woodcutter and the axe).

He started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.

As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, "Is this your computer ?" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, "No."

She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his.

Annoyed, the engineer said "No, not at all!!"

Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.

The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said "Yes."

The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give Him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?"

The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM!". So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!

MORAL OF THE STORY: If you're not up-to-date with technology trends, it's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt .

Politics is not a SERVICE anymore but a PROFESSION

An Important Issue!

Salary & Govt. Concessions for a Member of Parliament (MP)

Monthly Salary: Rs. 12,000/-

Expense for Constitution per month: Rs. 10,000/-

Office expenditure per month: Rs. 14,000/-

Traveling concession (Rs. 8 per km): Rs. 48,000/-

(eg. For a visit from South India to Delhi & return: 6000 km)

Daily DA TA during parliament meets: Rs. 500/day

Charge for 1 class (A/C) in train: Free (For any number of times)
(All over India)

Charge for Business Class in flights: Free for 40 trips / year (With wife or P.A.)

Rent for MP hostel at Delhi: Free.

Electricity costs at home: Free up to 50,000 units.

Local phone call charge: Free up to 1, 70,000 calls.

TOTAL expense for a MP [having no qualification] per year: Rs.32, 00,000/-

[i.e. 2.66 lakh/month]
TOTAL expense for 5 years: Rs. 1, 60, 00,000/-

For 534 MPs, the expense for 5 years:
Rs. 8,54,40,00,000/-

(Nearly 855 crores)
AND THE PRIME MINISTER IS ASKING THE HIGHLY QUALIFIED, OUT PERFORMING CEOs TO CUT DOWN THEIR SALARIES.....
This is how all our tax money is been swallowed and price hike on our regular commodities..........
And this is the present condition of our country:

855 crores could make their life livable!!
Think of the great democracy we have…

& what we are doing ???????

Silent Treatment.

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM, Wake up."

Good prescription

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue. . . .. .

Doctor: "What happened?"

Woman:" Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp...."

Doctor:"I have a real good medicine against that: When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start gargling with it. Just
gargle and gargle".

2 weeks later she comes back to the doctor and looks reborn and fresh again.

Woman:" Doc, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk I gargled repeatedly with chamomile tea and he never touched me.

Doctor:" you see how keeping your mouth shut helps! !!"

gud old days

Grandpa and Grandma always got very excited when they recalled the old days they were together.

They made a decision, one day to make it "yesterday once more".

They made a date on the riverbank they used to go when they were young.

The next day, Grandpa got up 6 a.m. in the morning, dashed to the bank, picked up a big bunch of wild flowers before sunrise, waited there for his sweetheart to come.

But grandpa ended in disappointment grandma never showed up even after sunset.

Grandpa went home in such anger. He opened the door, seeing grandma lying on the sofa with her pillow. He threw the flowers on the floor and

questioned: "Why didn't you come to our date?"

Grandma hid her head in the pillow and replied shyly: "Mom didn't allow me to go ” .........

Attitude, Helps...!!!

An old man lived alone in Minnesota. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work.

His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison.

The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his situation.

Dear Son, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year.

I hate to miss doing the garden, because your mother always loved planting time.

I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot.

If you were here, all my troubles would be over.

I know you would dig the plot for me, if you weren't in prison.

Love,

Dad



Shortly, the old man received this telegram:
"For Heaven's sake,

Dad,

Don't dig up the garden!!

That's where I buried the GUNS!"

At 4a.m.
The next morning,
A dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any guns.


Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened,
and asked him what to do next.

His son's reply was:

"Go ahead and plant your potatoes,

Dad: It's the best I could do for you from here."

Moral Of the Story
NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE IN THE WORLD,
IF YOU HAVE DECIDED TO DO SOMETHING DEEP FROM YOUR HEART, YOU CAN DO IT.
IT IS THE THOUGHT THAT MATTERS NOT WHERE YOU ARE OR WHERE THE PERSON IS.


“You’re not a failure if you don’t make it. You’re a success because you tried”.