Marketing

1. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me! " - That's Direct Marketing"


2. You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: " He's very rich. "Marry him." - That's Advertising"


3. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: " Hi, I'm very rich. "Marry me - That's Telemarketing"


4. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say:"By the way, I'm rich. Will you "Marry Me?" - That's Public Relations"


5. You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says:"You are very rich! "Can you marry ! Me?" - That's Brand Recognition"


6. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - " That's Customer Feedback"


7. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - "That's demand and supply gap"


8. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she goes with him - "That's competition eating into your market share"


9. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - "That's restriction for entering new markets "

Modern Panchtantra Story

Once upon a time, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.

One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood (the woodcutter and the axe).

He started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.

As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, "Is this your computer ?" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, "No."

She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his.

Annoyed, the engineer said "No, not at all!!"

Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.

The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said "Yes."

The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give Him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?"

The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM!". So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!

MORAL OF THE STORY: If you're not up-to-date with technology trends, it's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt .

Politics is not a SERVICE anymore but a PROFESSION

An Important Issue!

Salary & Govt. Concessions for a Member of Parliament (MP)

Monthly Salary: Rs. 12,000/-

Expense for Constitution per month: Rs. 10,000/-

Office expenditure per month: Rs. 14,000/-

Traveling concession (Rs. 8 per km): Rs. 48,000/-

(eg. For a visit from South India to Delhi & return: 6000 km)

Daily DA TA during parliament meets: Rs. 500/day

Charge for 1 class (A/C) in train: Free (For any number of times)
(All over India)

Charge for Business Class in flights: Free for 40 trips / year (With wife or P.A.)

Rent for MP hostel at Delhi: Free.

Electricity costs at home: Free up to 50,000 units.

Local phone call charge: Free up to 1, 70,000 calls.

TOTAL expense for a MP [having no qualification] per year: Rs.32, 00,000/-

[i.e. 2.66 lakh/month]
TOTAL expense for 5 years: Rs. 1, 60, 00,000/-

For 534 MPs, the expense for 5 years:
Rs. 8,54,40,00,000/-

(Nearly 855 crores)
AND THE PRIME MINISTER IS ASKING THE HIGHLY QUALIFIED, OUT PERFORMING CEOs TO CUT DOWN THEIR SALARIES.....
This is how all our tax money is been swallowed and price hike on our regular commodities..........
And this is the present condition of our country:

855 crores could make their life livable!!
Think of the great democracy we have…

& what we are doing ???????

Silent Treatment.

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM, Wake up."

Good prescription

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue. . . .. .

Doctor: "What happened?"

Woman:" Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp...."

Doctor:"I have a real good medicine against that: When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start gargling with it. Just
gargle and gargle".

2 weeks later she comes back to the doctor and looks reborn and fresh again.

Woman:" Doc, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk I gargled repeatedly with chamomile tea and he never touched me.

Doctor:" you see how keeping your mouth shut helps! !!"

gud old days

Grandpa and Grandma always got very excited when they recalled the old days they were together.

They made a decision, one day to make it "yesterday once more".

They made a date on the riverbank they used to go when they were young.

The next day, Grandpa got up 6 a.m. in the morning, dashed to the bank, picked up a big bunch of wild flowers before sunrise, waited there for his sweetheart to come.

But grandpa ended in disappointment grandma never showed up even after sunset.

Grandpa went home in such anger. He opened the door, seeing grandma lying on the sofa with her pillow. He threw the flowers on the floor and

questioned: "Why didn't you come to our date?"

Grandma hid her head in the pillow and replied shyly: "Mom didn't allow me to go ” .........

Attitude, Helps...!!!

An old man lived alone in Minnesota. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work.

His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison.

The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his situation.

Dear Son, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year.

I hate to miss doing the garden, because your mother always loved planting time.

I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot.

If you were here, all my troubles would be over.

I know you would dig the plot for me, if you weren't in prison.

Love,

Dad



Shortly, the old man received this telegram:
"For Heaven's sake,

Dad,

Don't dig up the garden!!

That's where I buried the GUNS!"

At 4a.m.
The next morning,
A dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any guns.


Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened,
and asked him what to do next.

His son's reply was:

"Go ahead and plant your potatoes,

Dad: It's the best I could do for you from here."

Moral Of the Story
NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE IN THE WORLD,
IF YOU HAVE DECIDED TO DO SOMETHING DEEP FROM YOUR HEART, YOU CAN DO IT.
IT IS THE THOUGHT THAT MATTERS NOT WHERE YOU ARE OR WHERE THE PERSON IS.


“You’re not a failure if you don’t make it. You’re a success because you tried”.

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:

Men Are Just Happier People--
What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another petrol station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress R5000. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is R150 for a three-pack. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original colour. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck

You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a nail cutter.. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Pongal shopping for 25 relatives on Jan 13th in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

Understanding Computer Technology for fun...

Correct timing to take water will maximize its effectiveness to Human body.

Two (02) glasses of water - After waking up - Helps activate internal organs

One (01) glass of water - 30 minutes before meal - Help digestion

One (01) glass of water - Before taking a bath - Helps lower blood pressure

One (01) glass of water - Before sleep - To avoid stroke or heart attack

The real value for love .......

A wealthy man and his son loved to collect rare works of art. They had
everything in their collection, from Picasso to Raphael. They would often
sit together and admire the great works of art.

When the Vietnam conflict broke out, the son went to war. He was very
courageous and died in battle while rescuing another soldier. The father
was notified and grieved deeply for his only son.

About a month later, just before Christmas, there was a knock at the door.
A young man stood at the door with a large package in his hands. He said,
'Sir, you don't know me, but I am the soldier for whom your son gave his life.
He saved many lives that day, and he was carrying me to safety when a bullet
struck him in the heart and he died instantly. He often talked about you, and
your love for art.' The young man held out this package. 'I know this isn't much.
I'm not really a great artist, but I think your son would have wanted you to have this.'

The father opened the package. It was a portrait of his son, painted by the young
man. He stared in awe at the way the soldier had captured the personality
of his son in the painting. The father was so drawn to the eyes that his
own eyes welled up with tears. He thanked the young man and offered to
pay him for the picture.. 'Oh, no sir, I could never repay what your son
did for me. It's a gift.'

The father hung the portrait over his mantle. Every time visitors came to
his home he took them to see the portrait of his son before he showed
them any of the other great works he had collected.

The man died a few months later. There was to be a great auction of his
paintings. Many influential people gathered, excited over seeing the
great paintings and having an opportunity to purchase one for their
collection.

On the platform sat the painting of the son. The auctioneer pounded his
gavel. 'We will start the bidding with this picture of the son. Who will
bid for this picture?'

There was silence..

Then a voice in the back of the room shouted, 'We want to see the
famous paintings. Skip this one.'

But the auctioneer persisted. 'Will somebody bid for this painting? Who
will start the bidding? $100, $200?'

Another voice angrily.. 'We didn't come to see this painting. We came to
see the Van Gogh's, the Rembrandts.. Get on with the real bids!'

But still the auctioneer continued. 'The son! The son! Who'll take the son?'

Finally, a voice came from the very back of the room. It was the longtime
gardener of the man and his son. 'I'll give $10 for the painting...'
Being a poor man, it was all he could afford.

'We have $10, who will bid $20?'

'Give it to him for $10. Let's see the masters.'

The crowd was becoming angry. They didn't want the picture of the son.
They wanted the more worthy investments for their collections.

The auctioneer pounded the gavel. 'Going once, twice, SOLD for $10!'

A man sitting on the second row shouted, 'Now let's get on with the
collection!'

The auctioneer laid down his gavel. 'I'm sorry, the auction is over.'

'What about the paintings?'

'I am sorry. When I was called to conduct this auction, I was told of a
secret stipulation in the will. I was not allowed to reveal that
stipulation until this time. Only the painting of the son would be
auctioned. Whoever bought that painting would inherit the entire estate,
including the paintings.

The man who took the son gets everything!'

Life's Little Instruction Book

Have a firm handshake.

Look people in the eye.

Sing in the shower.

Own a great stereo system.

If in a fight, hit first and hit hard.

Keep secrets.

Never give up on anybody. Miracles happen everyday.

Always accept an outstretched hand.

Be brave. Even if you're not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference.

Whistle.

Avoid sarcastic remarks.

Choose your life's mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90 per cent of all your happiness or misery.

Make it a habit to do nice things for people who will never find out.

Lend only those books you never care to see again.

Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all that they have.

When playing games with! children, let them win.

Give people a second chance, but not a third.

Be romantic.

Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.

Loosen up. Relax. Except for rare life-and-death matters, nothing is as important as it first seems.

Don't allow the phone to interrupt important moments.
It's there for your convenience, not the caller's.

Be a good loser.

Be a good winner.

Think twice before burdening a friend with a secret.

When someone hugs you, let them be the first to let go.

Be modest. A lot was accomplished before you were born.

Keep it simple.

Beware of the person who has nothing to lose.

Don't burn bridges. You'll be surprised how many times you have to cross the same river.

Live your life so that your epitaph could read, No Regrets

Be bold and courageous. When you look back on life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the one's you did.

Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.

Remember no one makes it alone. Have a grateful heart and be quick to acknowledge those who helped you.

Take charge of your attitude. Don't let someone else choose it for you.

Visit friends and relatives when they are in hospital; you need only stay a few minutes.

Begin each day with some of your favorite music.

Once in a while, take the scenic route.

Send a lot of Valentine cards. Sign them, 'Someone who thinks you're terrific.'

Answer the phone with enthusiasm and energy in your voice.


Show respect for everyone who works for a living, regardless of how trivial their job.

Send your loved ones flowers. Think of a reason later.

Make someone's day by paying the toll for the person in the car behind you.

Become someone's hero.

Marry only for love.

Count your blessings.

Compliment the meal when you're a guest in someone's home.

Wave at the children on a school bus.

Remember that 80 per cent of the success in any job is based on your ability to deal with people.